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(en) Britain, AF, The Bristoloan V4 , #2 - Pre-election news round-up

Date Sun, 05 May 2013 15:30:46 +0300


The INDIE REDPANTS FOR BRISTOL! --Excitement is in the air for the forthcoming councillor elections in May after the creation of a new political party in the city that’s key selling point is that it’s really not a political party at all! ---- The newly formed ‘Independents for Bristol’ (IfB) party is running a slate of well-heeled middle class candidates across many leafy Bristol West wards. Although this wholly independent, anti-establishment party does appear to have managed to avoid standing candidates against any vulnerable Lib Dem cabinet members such as Clifton East’s longstanding Minister for Culture & Junkets SIMON COOK, or over-promoted bartender-turned-Housing supremo GUY POULTNEY in Lockleaze. ---- This new party’s website is full of the usual inconsequential guff about integrity, openess and honesty and talks of “a new type of politician being needed” due to “widespread disillusionment with party politics in the UK”, although there’s no sign of any actual policies or beliefs they might actually pursue should they be elected.

The party has been set up by former BBC jour-
nalist and professional posh bloke STEPHEN
PERRY, who also set up Mayor Gorgeous’s
Bristol 1st Party. A fact which, when pointed
out to him, gets Perry rather hot under the collar.

After all, how can a self-styled anti-establishment
independent posh bloke possibly have a conflict
of interest or be in any way less than honest about
what he is up to?

Other supporters and candidates for the party
include George’s old millionaire mucker from
Clifton, eco-waffler ALISTAIR SAWDAY, and
one of George’s campaign workers and former Lib
Dem prospect, JASON BUDD.

Independent? My arse.

PRATTLE ROYALE IN ASHLEY!

It’s all go in Ashley ward, which covers St Paul’s,
fashionable Montpelier, St Werburgh’s and
upmarket St Andrews, as sitting councillor and
sacked former Lib Dem Transport chief ‘JOLLY’
JON ROGERS is fighting to hold his seat from
a Green onslaught. The Green’s ultra-naïve SIR
GUS HOYTY-TOYTY won the ward at a
canter last time out, but it seems Jolly Jon has
developed a triangulation strategy to fight back.
The beleaguered paper millionaire Lib Dem
can now be regularly found on Facebook breath-
lessly hyping the joys of Reiki, pottery and other
madcap green pastimes... How long before we
discover he’s converted to Buddhism or attached
solar panels and a windmill to his spacious St
Andrews pile?

He’s up against Green ROB TELFORD,
political anorak and desperate wannabe in the
provincial Lib Dem mould, best known for
running an inane Twitter account and being
prepared to turn up for the opening of an
envelope anywhere, anytime in the Ashley Ward.

Telford vs Rogers: like a particularly scary mirror

Despite both candidates being politically pre-
disposed to the mayor’s proposed parking zones,
strangely neither will commit to one in Ashley
due to the uncertain electoral calculus involved
in actually having an opinion on them! Just the
kind of decisive conviction politicians we need to
take the city forward. The other option for voters
in Ashley, who’s also yet to express an opinion on
anything, is the Indie Redpants candidate, KARL
BELIZAIRE, a “social entrepreneur” and self-
styled “influential force of social innovation”.
Or ‘wanker’ as we would traditionally call him.
_________________________________________
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