(en) N.Y. Times, Tuesday -- more satire from Lester

Lyn Gerry (redlyn@loop.com)
Tue, 10 Jun 1997 11:42:18 +0000


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If the New York Times really reported the news, here's what they *would* have written:

THE POPE'S NEW TONE: When he last came to Cracow, in 1991, admirers say, he received bad advice, and spoke too freely about his vision of the new Poland (which closely resembles old, old Poland). It was this frank airing, some suspect, that precipitated Polish citizens into returning socialists and communists to office in subsequent elections.

This time, except for raging against women who presume to control their bodies, and urging that more crucifixion scenes be displayed in public places, the pope has avoided the political gaffes of his prior visit.

Crowds thronged to catch a glimpse of him as he puttered down the boulevard in his domed car. Most were adoring, but construction worker Drew Careyevicz waved his hand derisively at the Popemobile's bulletproof glass, saying "If *he's* afraid to die, what the f___ chance do I have?"

* * *

GOP RECONCILES ITS WARRING FACTIONS: The chief Republican tax writer, Bill Archer, unveiled his plan today for apportioning the first big Federal Tax Cut since 1981, making good on his party's promise to come to the aid of both retentive investors and prosperous families.

The $135 billion in resulting lost revenues would be balanced by further reductions in infrastructure maintenance and increased taxes on Native Americans, who, Archer feels, have had things too soft for too long.

The plan provides a tax credit to families with children under 17, extending a helping hand to all but the 28 million children whose families are too poor to pay taxes.

* * *

THE NEW REFUSENIKS: Despite Boris Yeltsin's best efforts, most Russian housing still operates Soviet-style, with tenants spending an average of 6 percent of their income on rent and utilities. Moscow Mayor Yuri Luzhkov, who has led the resistance to the Yeltsin reform that would remove all housing subsidies, was re- elected with 90% of the vote last summer.

American privatizer Datsall Minnow, of Dewey, Cheatham, and Howe, observed, "With farmers who would rather farm cooperatively than own their own farms, and city-dwellers who look down on real estate speculation, can you blame Yeltsin for going on an occasional bender?"

Lester S. http://www.radio4all.org http://www.radio4all.org/freepacifica

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