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(en) Britain, "Alt. Media"*, THE BRISTOLIAN SPECIAL 100th ISSUE JANUARY 15 2005

From Worker <a-infos-en@ainfos.ca>
Date Sat, 15 Jan 2005 14:42:38 +0100 (CET)


________________________________________________
A - I N F O S N E W S S E R V I C E
News about and of interest to anarchists
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Just when you thought that the city council 's social
services shambles couldn't get any worse... It does!
EXCLUSIVE ------ PARROT to sort out the mess.
In a secret memo to councillors on
December 30 Barrow Gurney writes, "In
the light of the significant overspend in the
social services and housing budget and the
growing service pressure on the
department, the Council has engaged MR
BRIAN PARROT, an independent
consultant, to provide an appraisal of the
council's developing plans."
This will be the same kind of `consultant'
no doubt, who the weak and ineffectual
Barrow Gurney employed on £400 an
hour to knock the parties heads together.
Parrot is a Director of `VERITA- THE
INQUIRY CONSULTANCY' who
doubtless command the kind of fee that
would keep meals on wheels running for
half the year!
Yet again the exorbitantly priced
consultant wonks take us to the cleaners
whilst pensioners go hungry. Barrow
Gurney gushes on, "Brian will be working
here 2 or 3 days a week."
Heaven help us... Just turn up when he
feels like it will he? And what about BILL
MCKITTERICK head of social services -
isn't this the bloody job he's already
handsomely paid to do? And his highly
paid army of policy wonks?
Gurney continues, "He will report to a
steering group made up of Carew Reynell,
Bill McKitterick and myself." Yes folks...
The very incompetent who caused this
shambles - MCKITTERICK - will now be
on the steering group to deal with Parrot's
report!
Who did Barrow Gurney consult when
he dreamt up this wheeze over his port
and Stilton at Xmas? Did he conspire to
bury the bad news with SICKBOY MOSS
and HOPELESS HAMMOND? We pay a
Director of Social services handsomely to
do his job then shell out for someone else
to show him how to do it!
Sick as a parrot or wot?

EXPOSED
WONKS: THE COST
After a long wait, senior council officers have
finally revealed to councillors on the Public
Accounts Committee how much they are
paying consultants to do their jobs for them.
In the year 2003-2004 a whopping £6
million of council tax payers money was paid
to a variety of unaccountable wonks to support
senior officers, some of whom we pay more
than £100,000 a year already.
Just what do high-earners Barrow Gurney,
Carew "Diculous" Reynell, McTwatterprick
and education boss Heather "Ahoy There!"
Tomlinson do for their huge pay packets...
Apart from employ wonks to sort out the mess
they create?
Amongst those with their snouts in the
council trough are the ultra-Blairite Tribal
Group, whose turnover has gone from nothing
to a cool £185m since New Labour's victory in
1997 ­ and all from the public purse! Tribal
also own HACAS Hendy Chapman, the New
Labour donors brought in to privatise our
council housing for a fat fee.
Other winners at our expense include
ubiquitous civil engineers Ove Arup, PFI
experts The Arts Business and a hatful of
lawyers and architects.
The £6m forked out to these wonks would be
enough to run at least 20 elderly day-care
centres for a year (or the 3 they're closing for
seven years).
What a money wasting disgrace.

999 --- H O R R O R
The fiasco that is leadership at the
AVON AMBULANCE SERVICE contin-
ues. Less than a month ago union stew-
ards went in desperation to the Strategic
Health Authority to discuss 13 different
major issues that they had been trying to
resolve for over a year with the service's
Chief Exec Kevin "BOSS HOG" Hogarty.
One of these was the issue of £250,000
worth of ambulances sat in storage for a year
because no crews would use them (as report-
ed in The Pisspoor and on telly).
And when will the service confirm the facts
known to staff who work in their control
centre that the cyclist who died last year after
waiting over an hour for an ambulance could
have been saved by any of the rapid response
vehicles (RRV's) that were sat idle at the
time of the call, as they were only being used
20% of the time during a shift?
Unfortunately the service was so keen to
manipulate their response targets, Boss
Hogarty had issued an order a couple of
weeks earlier that RRV's should not be sent
to any emergencies that weren't Category
A... Even if an ambulance wasn't available.
Until this order, if no ambulance was
available within 15 minutes of a 999 call
then an RRV would be sent to help.
Following the union's visit, in an attempt to
mediate (ie. drag pompous Boss Hogarty to
the table), the Strategic Health Authority
asked for one of its Directors, Martin
Harker, to step in as Acting Chairman of
Avon Ambulance until October 20005.
Now we hear a new Chairman has been
found instead. None other than Mr Louis
Victory. Mr Victory is infamous in Cumbria
where he resigned as County Council Chief
Exec before being pushed following a slam-
ming by the Audit Commission.
During his reign of incompetence he man-
aged to award himself a huge pay rise
(twice!!) telling critics, "I'm worth it," and
land himself a colossal (but secret) pay off
when he had to go. His exit was so contro-
versial that questions were asked in the
house!
Up in Cumbria Mr Victory's name is mud
(not surprisingly!). What a perfect choice
then to put into an organisation that has a
long and lousy history of poor leadership and
a management team renowned for their arro-
gance and pomposity. Mr Victory should go
down a treat with his new cronies at Avon
Ambulance Service.

GOD SPOKE TO ME: PRIEST'S ANTHEA SHOCKER!

Redfield Parish Priest the
REV GREGORY GRANT has
turned himself into one of the
city's leading property
developers.
After first constructing and
running several luxury nursing
homes he went on to be a
founder of the Redfield based
PG GROUP who are currently
developing the OLD POLICE
STATION site on Bedminster
Parade as well as other
lucrative schemes in Bristol.
The Rev Grant quotes
extensively from The Gospel of
Matthew and from the `Second
Vatican Council on the Church
in the Modern world' to explain
his dealings with Mammon.
God recently told the Rev
Gregory to flog 72
APARTMENTS - worth over
£10 million - on his Bemmie
development to Z-list celebrity
couple GRANT BOVEY and
ANTHEA TURNER.
Nice of God to take time out
from such problems as world
famine to have a word in
Gregory's ear.
He presumably added, "Don't
build any affordable homes for
the Bemmies," as Bovey's
company IMAGINE HOMES
specialise in selling on homes to
investors at a guaranteed profit.
DEM OL ITIO N HO RROR
Local wannabe celebrity
architect, George "I'll do
anything to get on telly"
Ferguson has a new bandwagon.
The President of RIBA has given
his backing to Channel 4's daft
new show, Demolition.
Selected by architects like
Ferguson who built them
originally, the show will identify
"vile" buildings. Then the public
can vote to have one demolished!
Channel 4 promises, "The final
night will see a spectacular
celebratory demolition of one of
the nation's nastiest eyesores."
But fear not. This isn't a cheap
idea to grab viewers and and get
Ferguson's red trousers on telly.
No, Bristol University educated
Ferguson explains, "Vile buildings
are an affront to our senses." Not
unlike the affront of demolishing
buildings worth a fortune and
barely 30 years old, presumably.
The crazed architect, from his
Tobacco Factory penthouse clears
up any remaining confusion,
"Demolition is about planning for
a better future," he says.
It'll certainly be a better future
for the architects who will get
paid monstrous sums to
redevelop these sites again...

SKETCHY NEW YEAR!!!
opments earmarked for the city, Kelly the
Clown and his Queens Square culture-wallahs
better dub 2005 "BRISTOL'S YEAR OF THE
ARTISTS IMPRESSION (AGAIN)".
Starting with the Broadmead development, we
find a host of boarded-up shops, some terrific
sketches of what could be, plenty of hot-air and
promises from Broadmead Fuhrer Hirst but no
private sector partner as Marks and Spencer follow
Selfridges, Harvey Nic's and every other major
retailer in the country by saying no thanks.
Consequently the completion date for 2008 is now
officially pie-in-the-sky and serious doubts are now
being cast as to whether the car-friendly monolith
will ever see the light of day.
Over in south Bristol we find a couple of deputy
party leaders getting their knickers in a twist over
swimming pools. This is all that is likely to happen
too in terms of the Hengrove Park development,
site of the promised South Bristol Hospital and
some leisure facilities.
Lib Dem Deputy Leader Gary Hopkins continues
to witter on about "fun pools", whilst Labour
Deputy Leader HRH Helen of Holland - formally
tasked with wearing boss and friend Prawn
Dimarolo's knickers to avoid any unsavoury politi-
cal fall-out this side of a general election - is all in
favour of an "Olympic" pool.
This argument is in fact an Olympic-sized smoke-
screen for the fact that there is a £26m funding
deficit for the scheme. Expect this next year to
almost entirely consist of the two parties blaming
each other for the fiasco and for the land to be quiet-
ly shifted on to private developers at a later date after
the general election.
Up in Hartcliffe, meanwhile, the promised
Morrisons superstore for Symes Avenue is no near-
er happening. Reasons for this are suitably vague
from partners the SWRDA and the city council,
although land-owners Andrew "Pissoff" Perloff's
Panther Securities continue to voiciferously
demand their pound of flesh... And will probably
get it. The chances of anything, other than a lengthy
public enquiry, happening in the next year have been
described as "low to nil".
SWRDA and the council's "job creation for
Hartcliffe" PR puff on the development has also
taken a bit of a battering since the appearance of a
weblog (http://morrisons-employee.blogspot.com).
Daily, in gory detail, a poor member of Morrisons'
underpaid, overworked staff reveals a bullying and
blundering management playing fast and loose with
employment law and the Human Rights Act...
Clearly a suitable partner for the city council then!
Elsewhere in Hartcliffe, an obsession with build-
ing community centres will probably continue
unchecked with no less than 3 proposed in 2004.
Demand for white elephants seems to be on the
increase in Knowle West too.
After years of inaction over the run-down and
depressing Filwood Broadway, the SWRDA final-
ly formed a "task group" of voluntary sector dead-
beats and hangers-on and immediately cut the budg-
et! The consequent "scoping study" then decided
that massive investment and rejuvenation was not
required and all that was really needed was another,
er, community centre for the area. It's debateable if
even this will happen.
Back in the Centre, one of the few developments
on track is the controversial Canons Marsh scheme.
However, there's been a few minor changes. For
instance, the promised 20% affordable housing tar-
get was quietly dropped in December by the coun-
cil's planners. This is because it cost developers
Crest Nicholson a lot of money to decontaminate
the land they agreed to decontaminate and so this
cost is naturally passed from the super rich develop-
ers to the poorest people in the city. We also find that
Crest has decided to up the number of apartments for
private sale which should increase their profits con-
siderably...
Of the other major developments, the Colston Hall
plans have produced some colourful sketches but, as
yet, no funding. The proposed Industrial Museum
revamp has been handed to painfully trendy Lab
Architects, the kind of West London wankers who
call themselves "a Laboratory of architectural spec-
ulation... who believe that the social dimension of
space lies in its ability to be materialised and con-
ceptualised by means of new and evermore specula-
tive spatial orderings" - so fuck knows what we'll
end up with on the docks. Meanwhile another set of
crazed architects - Atkins Walters Webster ­ are
promising that the Bristol and West tower on the
Centre will be "disappearing into the sky" very
soon.
And that just leaves the notorious Arena project,
which we are assured is bang on target. But don't
forget the two partners involved are Bristol City
Council and SWRDA who are pretty much respon-
sible for every other development fiasco in the
city... So it's Happy New Year Bristol - out with old
and in with the sketches!

Man O' the Peep'Ole -- You Know - He Knows
It's an ill wind that blows
nobody any good. Portishead
based company DYNAMIC
PROCESSING SOLUTIONS
have won a lucrative contract to
develop new oil wells in
Northern Iraq.
The Company's Chief Exec has
also spent time and money
recently currying favour with
the Bristol-China Partnership -
hosting posh receptions in
Wraxall for visiting worthies
and Labour councillors with an
eye for the hospitality trough -
expect further good news for the
company from Shanghai shortly.
Gormless social services
slasher "Sickboy" Moss doesn't
seem to be quite sure why he's
scrapped daycare and meals-on-
wheels services for the elderly.
After Sperm Count Lowe told
him in a brutal Pisspoor editorial
to "hang his miserable head in
shame," Moss replied the cuts
were due to government policy
not his cost-cutting..
The new excuse dreamt up
over the Christmas sherry was
only slightly ruined on the
following day when Moss was
featured in yet another article in
the Pisspoor asking what people
wished for in the new year.
Moss replied, "If anyone could
come up with a pain-free way of
solving the social services £10m
budget overspend crisis, I would
be well-pleased."
Oh dear. No mention of vital
public service modernisation
there then? No doubt Moss the
Blairite will regularly appear as
the election looms...
-----------------------------------------------------
PACKERS FIELD: A SPECIAL REPORT
Free Space and the Academy by An Easton Cowboy

I've been playing Sunday footba1l
in local leagues for clubs in East
Bristol for more than 15 years. In
that time more and more free space
that amateur teams use to train and
play has been sold off to property
developers or for "sports
development" such as the City
Academy is involved in.
You can reel off a list, the DRG ground (St
Johns Lane), Golden Hill (Horfield), Cabot
Pitch (St. Pauls), threats to the Imperial
Ground (Knowle), Monks Park and
Hengrove and now even the Bristol & West
ground (Avon Gorge) . The latest place to be
targeted for "sports development" is Packers
Field in Whitehall.
On paper it looks great... "State of the art
sports facilities for the community and our
school kids" and £1.2 m of funding. But what
is our experience as a local football team of
this "sports development"?
Firstly, we have been using Packers for
years to train on for free. This means a lot to
us as an amateur team. For example, we were
excited about the new sports facilities at the
City Academy. But if you are lucky and get a
time slot in the evening (all the other "elite"
Bristol City youth teams get priority of
course, as well as all the teams who have
done a deal with St. George), the hire of the
pitch for 1 hour costs £100!
We can't afford that and it is sickening that
we have to pay twice. First we pay our taxes
and Community Charge to subsidise these
developments and then we have to pay a
bunch of businessmen like the City Academy
(Bristol City F.C., UWE, etc.) a ridiculous
amount of money to kick a ball about.
My football team started in 1987 playing
for free on the Cabot pitch in St. Pauls. This
has now gone as a free play space. OK,
we've got the St. Pauls Academy but we
have to pay for it. The team would never
have started unless we had the chance to play
for as long as we wanted for free without
fences, security guards and bells going off.
Then we moved to Baptist Mills (another
free space - if you climbed over the fence!)
and joined the league in 1992. We now have
8 sports teams covering football, cricket and
netball. Free spaces to play sport are
important for the community and vital for the
health of amateur sport. Without them we
would never have created the amateur sports
club we have today.

What is their evil plan ?
There is a pattern to all this "development"
of green space. The interest in all these
playing fields and recreation grounds by
"nice business men who care about sport and
the community" has been going on for a few
years now.
It's obvious why. Parks are legally well-
protected public spaces. Then come the
playing fields and recreation grounds. Least
protected are the sports fields connected with
factories (like DRG, Imperial, Frys etc.).
Let's imagine you are a big property
speculator (Yes. I know it's a sick thought).
You want to build on or make money out of
land in the city but it is too expensive to get
hold of large areas of free space. So what do
you look for? Large open spaces that aren't
making any money through rent or having
businesses on them.
Then you have the problem of the people
who are using them and the legal issues. So
you head for the easiest targets, the factory
sports grounds, especially where the
company is closing or in trouble and wants to
sell them off.
You might buy them up and say, "sport will
continue there of course". Then you let the
facilities run down. You let vandals run amok
(they might even burn the buildings down
[Imperial]) and slowly the factory teams fold
due to lack of support or leave because the
pitches and changing rooms are so bad.
Eventually there is no one left and then you
can make your application for planning
permission saying that no one uses the
facilities except a few people who let their
dogs shit there. What's the problem with
building there? You get your application
through and BINGO !...you are about to
develop a huge tract of real estate slap bang
in the city.
After you have had a go at the factory
sports grounds then you head for the playing
fields and recreation grounds. This is a bit
trickier - you might not be able to build
houses on these. But you can still make
money out of the huge grants to build sports
centres by securing the construction contracts
and running the facilities as businesses
afterwards.

How to deal with the opposition

The only problem if you are one of these
property developer parasites is the opposition
of the local community. They can cause
trouble for you. If they do then there are
several tactics you can try.
- First try to keep what you are doing quiet.
If you can't do this make it legally
complicated.
- Try to confuse the community with
propaganda about how great everything will
be for the community.
- If they don't buy this then spread rumours
about protesters being "selfish", "only
interested in their house prices", "standing
in the way of progress" or "wanting the
green space for their dogs to shit on".
- If you are doing a joint project with the
local council use them to give an air of
respectability to the plan (Cllr. Robin Moss).
Intimidate local school kids to support you
(Ray Priest you wanker).
- Try to buy off the opposition by offering
them access to a sports facility (remember
Golden Hill?) - the suckers won't realise
they'll be paying you money to use it!
- Divide the community by offering
concessions to local sports teams (Old
Georgians, Pak Bristolians Cricket Club take
note) you can always kick them out after the
place is built.
We have seen all these tactics used by
developers in the past and now they are using
them to deal with the opposition to Packers.
If they develop Packers, not only will the
local community lose a free green space for
the kids to play on and local teams to use but
we will have to pay loads of money IF we get
the chance to use it.
Lets get this straight. The City Academy is
not about developing sport for all the
community, it's about making money and
developing sport for the few.

How do they make their money ?

So how do these "nice businessmen who
care about the community" make money out
of this? Firstly they are cashing in big
government grants for sport that are available
due to things like the Olympic bid.
Whenever there is big money like this
around you will find moneymen trying to get
their fingers in the pie. They will be doing
deals in the council and with the Trusts that
own the prime sites to get a chance to develop
them.
They can't understand places like Packers
that just benefit the local community and
don't make any money. All they see is a piece
of land that could be earning whether it is as a
sports centre or yuppie flats.
Then there is the pay off. Bristol City F.C. is
a business like all professional football clubs.
They aren't developing football locally
because they are nice or just love the game!
They are involved in the City Academy
because if they cream off the best of the local
talent (the elite youth footballers) they might
find a handful of professional footballers
worth millions.
Whatever they might say in their glossy
adverts and in the "Sport for All" bullshit this
is the truth and anyone who knows about the
game nowadays knows that this is the bottom
line.
They are not interested in amateurs playing
the game like you and me. They don't care if
we can't afford it because we aren't worth
anything to them. We just get in the way of
their plans for the elite players.

Aca d e my c u lt ur e
Here is the "Academy Culture" the Labour
Party wants to encourage. Turning our free
green spaces into expensive sports grounds
surrounded with 8 foot fences, cameras and
swipe cards whose sole purpose is to cream
off "elite youth" for the sports businessmen.
What makes it even sicker is that politicians
are always going on about how "kids today
are stuck in front of Playstations and are
obese" whilst taking away the places where
kids play!
They also say that organised sport is good
for dealing with youth violence and crime.
Well it would be if they bothered to put
money into supporting the local volunteers
who spend time setting up local teams and
youth football for everyone.
Ask teachers and they will say that because
of their huge workload they don't have the
energy (and don't get paid) for after-school
sports teams. It's left to unpaid local people to
do it because they love the great game.
Wh a t w e r e al ly n e e d
If the council bothered to ask us, they would
find out what we really want.
W ha t d o lo c a l a ma te u r sp o rt s
t e am s n ee d ?
They need cheap (preferably free) local
sports pitches and places to train that are
nearby and involve all the community, not
just the chosen "elite".
Wh a t d o th e k id s n ee d ?
They need safe green places to play freely.
Wh a t d o th e yo u th n ee d ?
hey need support to encourage them to get
involved in organised sport on a local level
AND free places for them to do what they want
(hangout, snog or whatever they get up to).
Wh at d oe s t he c o mmu ni ty n e e d?
It needs green spaces with trees and wild
gardens to walk, sunbathe, take the kids etc.
What we don't need is multi-million pound
projects that benefit the businessmen, their
council cronies and a few lucky youth super-
stars.
If they want to build expensive temples to
professional sport go and build them on a
factory brown field site and stay off our free
spaces.
Lets make a stand at Packers and stop
these bastards having their way.
For further information on the campaign
to save Packers Field contact dodger@ira-
tional.org or write to Packers Field, 11
Whitehall Gardens, Whitehall, Bristol.

100 BRISTOLIAN Forward Ever - Backward Never!
Soooo... dear readers ... the great little
paper that brought you the thrills and
spills of Knowle West Cops Sex Orgy
exposed Astleygate got rid of three
council leaders - Babs, Bonkers and
Greedy - and famously headlined
`WANKFACE MCNULTY
SENSATION' has staggered to its 100th
birthday!
For those of you who missed our earlier
issues you can check them out at
www.bristolian.freeservers.com. We'd
like to thank all those Bristolians who
have helped us write and distribute the
paper and to those of you who give us £1
or 50p every week. as well as all those
who have donated us more money.
In particlar to our regular pub
advertisers - The Chelsea Inn, The
Rhubarb Tavern, Cosies, The Reckless
Engineer, The New Found Out,
Seymours Club - thank you!
You can help us in 2005 by subscribing
(£10 for 20 issues) advertising (£20)
sponsoring a whole issue (£100) or
getting a namecheck by bunging us some
used fivers.
Or you could just send us some stories -
by post, e-mail, phone or directly to our
distributors. If your pub/ cafe/shop wants
some Bristolians every fortnight let us
know. `They said it couldn't be done' -
but we did it! Happy New Year Bristol!
GOT ANY LEAKS, SLEAZE,
GOSSIP, SLANDER, NEWS
OR VIEWS ?
GET IN TOUCH!!!
THE BRISTOLIAN
Box 3
Greenleaf Bookshop
82 Colston Street
Bristol BS1 5BB
News Hotline:
07708411409
the_bristolian2004@yahoo.co.uk

---------------------------------------
BRISTOL.INDYMEDIA.ORG - FUNDRAISER
Read It, Write It, Your Site, Your News
with
ROB NEWMAN
Monday January 17
7.30pm, The Cube Cinema
---------------------------------------
* [Ed. note: Friendly to anarchists and
recommended by anarchists for anarchists...]


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