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(en) Daybreak #3 - ('-) Prestzelistas Defeat Bush!

From Worker <a-infos-en@ainfos.ca>(http://free.freespeech.org/mn/daybreak!/article6.html)
Date Tue, 19 Nov 2002 03:52:58 -0500 (EST)


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President George W Bush cancelled a scheduled visit for Friday
September 5th to the Twin Cities, where he was expected to
address the issue of welfare reform in MN. His spokesperson,
John Asscrotch, cited the threat posed by so-called self-described
"pretzelistas" active in the Twin Cities area.

The Secret Service cited recently uncovered plans to bake a giant
pretzel at the pretzelista headquarters in the Phillips neighborhood
of Minneapolis which authorities believe would have been used to
squash "W", though pretzelistas insist that the salty
throat-clogging snack was being prepared especially as a
refreshment for the MPD (whoıve killed a handful of people in the
last month).

In early morning raids the FBI rounded up over 300 militant snack
eaters and is keeping them secretly imprisoned in concentration
camps similar to those in which theyıve imprisoned over 1200
Arab-Americans.

The MN Senate responded to the threat by immediately
withdrawing all salty snacks within a 12-block radius of the
convention center and subsequently burned them in a garbage can
behind the capital as bystanders wept.

Ken Pentel, the sole dues paying member and gubernatorial
candidate of the MN Green Party stated his support for the
anti-snack legislation by handing out cups of tapioca pudding to
affluent supporters in an exclusive private park near Lake
Calhoun. A survey done by a subsidiary of Enron in which the
Bush family is a primary owner shows that 99% of Americans
support a bomb attack against baked snack facilities located in
"poverty-stricken" neighborhoods, replacing them with luxury
homes and condos to house the rich who are, reportedly, getting
richer.

A pretzelista statement found nailed to White House vending
machines warned of boxes of subversive chocolate-covered
pretzels which had been mailed to over 200 "really big assholes"
including Henry Kissinger and Canadian pop star Brian Adams.
The clandestine anarchist statement concluded with a quote
attributed to the militant cinnamon sprinkle faction of the
movement: "Out of the ovens into the throats!"


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